Joshua Marshall is all over this CAFTA vote thing! Apparently there was yet another "no" vote, which wasn't recorded by the machine. This means that the bill passed by one vote. Shady, shady, shady. I also heard from a friend of mine that "The GOP whip literally stood in front of the remaining 8 GOP votes as the minutes ticked by and physically prevented them from voting until a few of them agreed to do the wrong thing." None of this is exactly shocking, but it is pretty fucking enraging. Seems to me like a shallow victory for Bush, which was the whole point of the vote to begin with, mainly because a) he had to beg and bribe, more than usual, according to some Congressmen, b) because it was only won by one vote in the House, c) because it was the longest any free trade agreement has ever been delayed and the closest vote and d) because in the end, it's only fucking us all over anyway, and will (hopefully!) result in more seats won by Democrats (yes???????). Okay, I admit that pretty much all of those points are kind of specious. It was largely delayed so long and so close because it's the only trade agreement to have passed with such poor countries with so few labor and environmental regulations. Okay, obviously at least some of the people voting for it thought it was a good idea. (Free trade is a wonderful idea, its that damn "reality" thing that gets in the way...) Well, none of this changes the fact that it passed and that we are dealing with a really fucking shady administration. Only one of those things is surprising.

Um, if any of you are grantwriters or have to write grant proposals, here's a helpful hint:
Detailed summary.
If your proposal looks like this:
july 27- we held a meeting, attended by 27 members. We discussed blah, blah, blah.
july 28-anti oppression training. members felt empowered.
july 29-held an action, attended by 1000 members. chanted a lot.

Your program officer (or associate, as the case may be!) will HATE YOU!!!!!!!!! And that's not really a good thing.

This is better:
Outcome #1: Public education. Held 25 rallies, such as blah blah blah, attended by an average of 1000 people each.
Outcome #2: legislation passed (or something else that will have an effect on someone...)

Thank you and good night. I will go back to banging my head against my desk.

Pop culture trends I will continue to resist.

1.) IPods. I do not like the effect they have on people, especially commuters, although I secretly covet one. It seems rude to have one in Nica, though.
2.) Sex and the City. While I have actually seen a few episodes recently at the gym, I cringe everytime a woman I like and respect slips a reference into a conversation. I have so many issues with the show, I don't even want to start.
3.) Harry Potter. This is mostly out of laziness and stubborness, as I don't have any problem with the books or with reading them. It's just at this point, I'd have to start from the beginning, and given my stack of books on trade policy, Nicaraguan politics, etc., I can't see it as a top priority. Let's just say I feel really out of the loop when people talk about it.
4.) Gaucho pants. I actually thought they were cute at first, but they became so ubiquitous that even I, who has about 200000000 of those "tiered" skirts, cannot break down and buy them. I do think people's asses look good in them, though, which is tempting.

FUCK!!!!!

Fuck you, Bush.

Regarding buying votes for CAFTA: "The last-minute negotiations for Republican votes resembled the wheeling and dealing on a car lot. Republicans who were opposed or undecided were courted during hurried meetings in Capitol hallways, on the House floor and at the White House. GOP leaders told their rank and file that if they wanted anything, now was the time to ask, lawmakers said, and members took advantage of the opportunity by requesting such things as fundraising appearances by Cheney and the restoration of money the White House has tried to cut from agriculture programs. Lawmakers also said many of the favors bestowed in exchange for votes will be tucked into the huge energy and highway bills that Congress is scheduled to pass this week before leaving for the August recess."

Fuck you.

Fuck you: Bush spoke for an hour, lawmakers said, stressing the national security implications of CAFTA, which are rooted in the concern that growing anti-American sentiment in Latin America would flourish if the United States refused to open its markets wider to the nations that negotiated the pact.

When I am in Nicaragua and I see farmers who are forced to move to cities or immigrate because they cannot live off of the sesame (or whatever specialty crop) that they have to grow in order to have an agricultural export that will be competitive on the international market, as rice, beans, and other staples can be imported much more cheaply from the U.S., where the average farmer earns $21,000 a year in subsidies, I will say "fuck you" again. When I see corporations sue the government if it gets in the way of profit, by say, not allowing toxic dumping (as happened in Mexico), I will think, "fuck you". As the labor standards in CAFTA are lower than the existing Caribbean agreement, and while I visit with sweatshop workers in Nicaragua, what will I think?? Hmmm, maybe fuck you? When poor people cannot have access to generic medicines, under CAFTA's strengthening of IP protections, when companies moving production to Nicaragua to take advantage of lax environmental laws to pollute without having abide by cumbersome environmental standards, I will think fuck you, but I will mostly be really sad, because now here comes the FTAA! Now that we know that votes can be bought, any trade agreement can get through.

Oh, this really hurts. And Bush? I'm not positive, and I'll have to get back to you after living in Nicaragua, but I'm pretty sure this won't help people in Central America love the U.S. Sure, you're going to buy the upcoming election in Nicaragua just like you did in El Salvador, so they are voting out of fear that they will lose remittances. But I think in as much as they will be suffering, and will know the impact of this agreement, they will not be happy.

This is too depressing I can't even fathom it.

Dear you, I hate you, Love, Me.

I hate you because I am writing a fucking blog post about you, and I'm over the age of fourteen.

I hate you because I went out of my way to distract myself last night, even going to someone else's house, and yet when I came home, I was still hoping you'd call. (By the way, I hooked up with perhaps the most selfish person ever last night...who the hell doesn't even try to bring their partner to orgasm?? Maybe that's why I feel like I'm 14 again...)

This post is unbelievably lame. Well, style has to match substance. Take that!!!!!!!!!

Well, if/when you ever call, I'm obviously going to pick up and invite you over. Obviously.

I am a bigger person! I only have a few weeks left! And, um, you're great.

FUCK.

Not for the weak willed...

I had an actual sex dream about a woman last night. It was involving a dildo, but still, I am unduly disturbed by this, largely because it was a woman from my past that I was in no way attracted to. I actually looked at her more like a specimen of how funny people can be. Would it be more disturbing if I did see her as someone that I'm attracted to?

For those of you that dont know me, this is only disturbing because I have never had, shall we say, "stirrings" for the same sex. It is interesting, though, how sometimes the other person involved in sex can be a voice, or a body part, or a feeling, and not a person. Meaning, I wasn't licking her pussy; she was more like a man, having sex with me. Therefore, is there significance to the fact that she was a woman? The other interesting thing was that I was completely aware during the dream that a) it was a dream b) it was weird that I was being fucked by a woman and c) that I would be disturbed by this the next day. I even, as part of my dream, told other people that I had a dream in which I had sex with a woman. So was the sex with a woman a way of humiliating myself, or daring myself to experience something new and different? Having an out of body experience in my body? Experiencing the essence of someone but not that person? Hmmm.

Back to Hustle and Flow, David Edelstein from Slate had an interesting take on it: "DJay needs a female vocalist, and, as luck would have it, his main lady, Shug (Taraji P. Henson), has a gorgeous voice and—being in her last trimester of pregnancy—isn't generating any income. She gives him a great performance without even having to be whooped very hard. Later, Shug tells DJay, tearfully, that making that recording ("Y'know it's hard out there for a pimp ... ") has made her life worthwhile.

Is Hustle & Flow purposeful in its irony? You'd think so, wouldn't you? I mean: Would a Sundance Film Festival premiere audience have leapt to its feet for a movie that is as opportunistic and misogynistic as its pimp hero? Brewer is a puzzle. He doesn't sweeten DJay or make the way the pimp roughs up his women more palatable. (...) What's missing in this self-proclaimed story of redemption, though, is something other than a fairy-tale finale. It's the sense that the filmmaker understands the consequences of exploiting women even if his protagonist doesn't.

Sorry—I just don't get that from Hustle & Flow. My sense is that Brewer knows he needs the abrasive material so that audiences will think they're getting unmediated realism instead of the usual rags-to-riches cliches. How else to account for how stupid these women are made to seem, and for how Brewer sticks his camera under Manning's tiny skirt as she sashays into the car of a john?"

Well said.

A generation of list makers?

My post the other got me to thinking about how somewhere along the line, we've been told that the funniest ways to create humor are through a) listmaking and b) randomness. Just peruse Craigslist' "best of", or McSweeneys, or all humorous films that go beyond the scatological. A basic tenet of all humor is that it should somehow involve the unexpected: thus, create certain expectations in viewers/readers, and then fuck with them. Or, use repetition. Or, be really irreverent/offensive. I will have to look into this, this "humor"...

Random weekend thoughts.

1) I really, really hate it when people say they'll call and don't.
2) I really, really like it when people randomly call.
3) Yuppies always seem to be prepared for hiking or some other outdoor activity. Evidence: those expensive, clunky ass European shoes they seem so fond of, which can be found in three stores in Dupont Circle. Also, they are always carrying water around, generally in the form of Nalgenes. I actually saw a guy walking around Dupont with a "camel pack" this weekend. What the fuck?
4) I'm not sure if there's anything more meaningless than the routine of getting trashed Friday and Saturday nights and spending Saturday and Sunday mornings talking about it.
5) My sister is awesome!
6) The cruel misogny of Hustle and Flow is depressing. Not that Boyz in the Hood was the most feminist film I have ever seen, but for some reason I wasn't expecting to be as taken aback as I was by this film's treatment of women characters. I scanned a bunch of reviews this morning to see what the critics had to say. I can see the point that maybe it's one of those complex films where you are supposed to feel conflicted about the protagonist (the DJAy character). Salon said: "As much as we want to believe he's a good guy at heart, Brewer isn't going to make things cushy for us by rushing our sympathy for him. The movie demands that we accept DJay on purely human terms -- in other words, that we acknowledge the ugliness of his flaws before we're allowed a glimpse of his latent decency." The film is acknowledging the ugliness of the pimp/ho relationship but also validating the inherent entrepreneurial talent of DJay, who finds his gift for music and makes some lovely songs about beating that bitch. I think both representations are true to life. I also think it's reinforcing the misogny of this reality, though, by only rewarding female characters whose devotion to the men in the film becomes their only strength. The women are pictured as hapless victims, annoying complainers, or maternal goddesses, and the only thing that changes about them happens as a direct consequence of DJay's progression. (One of DJay's hoes becomes his girlfriend after giving him some gifts and telling him how much she supports him; another, his "primary investor", who is rewarded for having sex with a man to get a microhpone, by getting to kiss the microphone, finally gains power by promoting DJay's work with local radio stations.) When one of his pregnant prostitutes gives him a gold chain, she thanks him profusely for allowing him the privelege to sing on his track. How does she sing on this track? They lead her into the studio, sit her down, tell her exactly what to sing (a verse about how hard it is to be a pimp), and then DJay smacks her to get her to sing it better. Great. I like how AO Scott from the Times phrases it: "Not that the movie exactly endorses such behavior; it just can't establish enough distance from its hero. Everybody gotta have a dream" is the movie's hopeful tag line, which DJay's sideman Shelby glosses as 'every man has the right to contribute his own verse.' His gender-specific version is truer to the spirit of Hustle & Flow where women, if they behave themselves, are allowed to sing backup ." I guess, over all, the movie, by offering "redemption" in cruel and unflattering terms, is pointing to the idea that redemption for many is not obtainable in ways that people like me would find tasteful. I can appreciate the artistic integrity of that point, but I also think there could be realistic ways of portraying female characters that are also affirming of women, the way the film affirms DJay's talent while acknowleding his shortcomings. 7) This morning at a meeting I vehemently disagreed with just about everybody but couldn't find the words to articulate it. It's my last meeting. Damn it!

My boss fucking rocks...

"Let's close at 4 today. It's a quiet day, so let's start the week-end an hour early."

Woohoo! I'll be drunk by 5. Just kidding. Maybe.

My weaknesses!

I absolutely love reading advice columns. I am actually an addict. If I don't read Savage Love by at least Wednesday, I am damned. I like Carolyn Hax okay, and for some reason am oddly drawn to Prudence. I do not like the manners/conservative ones (Dear Abby, etc.).

I also love looking at baby names. Is that weird? I like finding new names, and looking at the meanings of names, and making up names. I suppose I only think it's weird because the thought of being in a committed relationship for any length of time scares me, let alone having a fucking baby. Maybe I can find names for friends' babies? Maybe it's because my name has always been such a big part of who I am? (In case you were wondering, my favorite name of the day is: Zaila, which is "African" according to the website (hmm...might want to get more info). I really like Z names, mostly because the shape of the letter is so coll. Also, I thought Zana might be cool, because it'd be a combo of my sisters' names, Jana and Zoe! It might have to be spelled Zanna though, otherwise people would say it like "zany" with an a at the end. That being said, I need to get back to fucking work.

Congratulations to Joyzer!!!!!!!!

I am now the proud owner of...

A digital camera! As soon as my computer is working again and online (by computer I mean laptop, and not the work computer from which I write), I will be posting many lovely photos to prepare for Nicaragua! (I have a feeling this blog will turn into a photo blog very soon once I'm down there...)

Bush is going to announce the Supreme Court nominee tonight at 9?

I guess I'm starting to care, if by care I mean get really scared. Maybe I'll go to happy hour so I'll be trashed by the time he announces it.

I miss the Daily Show!

I wish I could watch it at work, too distracting. The one and only reason why I miss the TV. Now, everyone is complaining about the new studio, and I have not seen it! I haven't even seen it recently enough so that I remember what the old studio looks like, really.

I am always terrified of liking people. How fucking boring and ordinary is that? The only thing worse than the actual fear of commitment itself (well, the only thing worse in this relative not so bad level of badness) is the mundaneness of having this fear. This boy that I'm getting close to... jeez. We were having some wonderful conversations, and now all of a sudden I'm shutting down, like in those action movies where they have like 2 minutes to shut down some machine, the act of which will save the world. Except that I'm not saving the world. It is like a button though, and just as dramatic. Anyway, this boy (really, he's fucking 34, I should say man), and I were talking last night and I became so quiet I wanted to slap myself. Whenever this happens, I get really mad at myself and tell myself to speak, but then I'm putting myself under a lot of pressure, and I don't perform well under pressure, so I shut down even more. It's a vicious cycle! I wish he had come to visit me so that we could have fucked my fears away, or at least filled the silence with heavy breathing. But he strikes me as the kind of person that doesn't like to run away from fear, and too honest to keep having sex without getting closer emotionally. Damn maturity.

All this reminds me of another obsession, similar to the memory obsession: my disconnect between my self-image and the perception the outside world has of me. This all started when I had to undergo communications training for work. We would videotape each session, and then watch the video again and analyze my communication skills. Anyway, I was struck by: a) how dead my face looks; b) the ugly face which is my default position...my "nothing" face and c) how bad my posture is. Not the best for my self-image, but good to know what to work on. I still have much to do. My former roommate used to always think I was crazy when we would get home from a social gathering and I would fret over the things I said and did not say, always trying to impress on me how little other people noticed the things that were the source of great anxiety for me. This has increased at least tenfold since venturing into a new world, where the "you" that you project to everyone else defines "you". How does one reconcile self-image with outer image? Does it happen naturally as you gain maturity and confidence? Does the "fake it till you make it" strategy work? Anyway, all this is to say that I couldn't tell last night whether or not he noticed that I was quieter than usual, but in any event, my stressing about it made it worse than it needed to be, and if anything, he might have picked up on my anxiety. But being stressed about being stressed is counterproductive. Aaaahhh!

Well, I guess I'm not much of a capitalist.

I realized this morning, after hearing about the raise I would have gotten had I stayed past the end of my organization's fiscal year in October, that I will be taking a $40,000 a year pay cut to take this job in Nicaragua. I also realized that this did not factor at all into my decision to take the job, having only thought about it, well, a couple of weeks after I took it.

I have always struggled when people I'm close to are leaving. On one hand, I want to be with them as much as possible, but on the other hand, I want to develop relationships with people I know will stay here, and being the separation process with the people that are leaving. Now that I'm the one who is leaving, I realize how painful it is to be on the receiving end of this confusion. (Actually, it's always painful to be on the receiving end of a relationship in which the other person is trying to navigate how they feel about you and how to act around you. But that's another story.) I know that my close friends here want to be with me until I leave, and are sad that I'm leaving, but I also know that some of them (mainly, my roommate), are starting to push away. People at work are a little less friendly, and I am engaging so much less in meetings, because they all concern policies that won't be enacted until after I leave. It's completely natural and healthy. But I don't like it, because it reminds me of all of the things and people I'm leaving behind.

Woohoo!

From one of my future coworkers/roommates/one of the 4 people I will know in Managua:


I really like to dance, too! We'll have to go salsa and merengue dancing in Nicaragua.


Phew. I was worried fun potential was zero. Now I realize it is not!

Also, looking at Friendster today (I'm back in a Friendster phase), I realized that almost all of my friends are "in a relationship". Um, when did it get this serious, people?!?! Jesus Christ.

On memory (and not grand narrative!) construction.

Ever since I learned in Psychology 101 that individual memories are 100% constructed by individuals after the fact, I have been obsessed with choosing how to construct experiences in my consciousness so that they will render certain memories later. (I realize that the line between this and being completely delusional is very fine. Don't worry, I enjoy walking it!) This usually takes the form of mental snapshots. When something happens that particularly encapsulates an era for me, I think to myself, "This is how I want to remember this time in my life." I realize that inevitably, it's not just those selected moments but rather an amalgamation of moments and feelings clouded by hindsight and, hopefully, progress. I can't, obviously, choose the memories that will define me, nor can I choose the experiences that follow that will ultimately influence how I perceive those memories and process the lessons from them to apply to my present reality. But hey, I can try.

Today while talking to my boss--my favorite one, a soft spoken, thoughtful, gentle man who I honestly feel will always remain the archetype of who I want to be on a personal level--I decided on a moment that I think defines my job and my emotional state at this period in my life. Discussing some of the proposals that we were considering, we wandered into a conversation about theories of change and how groups can effectively make an impact on the issues that they are addressing. It was a completely typical moment, but I reminded myself that this was what I wanted to remember--not just drunken dancing and Sundays wandering around Dupont Circle, feeling lonely and lost (although those are certainly going to factor in), but this. If nothing else, I have grown so much from being able to look at the world from this very priveleged position. I just hope that I will be able to use this privelege in positive and effective ways.

Unbearable politics.

Between Rehnquist retirement watch and this whole Rove fiasco (not including the links, just go to any blog/major news carrier and you'll find it), paying attention to national politics has become completely unbearable. I don't want to think about a court stacked with an additional scary ass conservative judge in the place of a moderate, and I just want Rove to be fired or Bush to be impeached or, the more likely scenario, just get away with it. Is my tiring of national politics sign that I'm ready to hightail it out of here??

Nicaragua heading towards impeachment...

things are heating up...

and now: freak out!

So, it's finally "hitting me", "sinking in", etc.

I am leaving.

In less than two months.

For two years.

To go to a foreign city, where I do not know anyone, to do a very intense job with a small group of people with whom I will live and work in the same close quarters.

I am leaving my job. My first job ever. Is almost over.
Over!

I am leaving DC. All the friendships I've made here will be on hold for two years. I will lose touch with many people.

I do not know what this job will lead to, and I do not know how it will affect me. (Not that that's new, that is the human condition, obviously.)

I will probably be very lonely, at least in the beginning. (also human condition?)

I may realize this isn't what I want and that I don't know what I want. (also? Maybe I should write "HC" for the things that I consider to be part of the human condition.)

Phew, having my fears written down and now broadcast in cyberspace makes me feel infinitely better. If this is all I fear, and at least three things are always going to be among my fears, what's really holding me back?

Turbulence as a creative gift and not a pathological distraction...

Today I looked at my Free Will horoscope with the thought that no matter what it said, it would apply to my recent life-changing decision. No, I'm not one of those people that gets validation from horoscopes, but the wonderful thing about horoscopes is that they can be reflection of what you are already thinking, or they can be completely unrelated, but in the process of recognizing that this piece of supposedly relevant information is irrelevant can remind you of what you think is important. That being said, here is my (and all other Aquarius') horoscope:

Please repeat the following affirmation, first articulated by poet Robert Frost: "I am not confused. I am just well mixed." Say it aloud at least ten times a day for the next week. It will help you put a positive spin on certain events that might otherwise throw you off balance. Your next medicinal sound bite comes from playwright W.S. Gilbert: "I am rich in never-ending unrest." This one will encourage you to regard your turbulence as a creative gift, not a pathological distraction.

Okay, affirmations are in place.

Confession: I am EXTREMELY self-centered.

(In case you're wondering why I've posted SOOO much today, a few explanations:
a) there are about 3 other people in my whole office, and there offices aren't anywhere near mine. I'm lonely and it's quiet!
b) i'm in "senioritis" mode since quitting on wednesday.
c) i'm actually not tired, so i have a lot of mental energy, just don't feel like applying it to the stack of grants I have left to do.)

Instead, I am going to ruminate on exactly how self-centered I am.

I have already explained that growing up, I was an avid Vanity Fair reader. I am also obsessed with watching documentaries. Well, whenever I watch or read those, I imagine that they are about me, and I imagine all of the pundits and friends of the people featured are my friends and acquaintances discussing, well, me. These are "she always" kind of statments:
"She always had a knack for..."
"She always knew..."
"She always feared..."

Also, as I finish up my job, I keep thinking about how my co-workers will talk about me when I'm gone, as they often talk about our other former co-workers. I generally like to think about how people are thinking about me, not in the "Why doesn't she do some sit-ups?!" kind of way, but rather in a tumultuous, ardent, internal monologue kind of way. They are deconstructing the many witty comments I have made to subtly mock their inconsistent viewpoints, they ponder the many contradictions that make up everything "kanopeykin". I suppose the redeeming quality is that these monologues are by no means always postive; actually, more often than not, people are discussing my faults over brunch with their buddies the morning after we hooked up, stuff like that. Delusions of grandeur, obviously.

My question for the peanut gallery is: Is this normal??

the extreme end of the grand narrative's construction team

Via Slate: From the Sun, a Rupert Murdoch UK publication: (which also claims to be "the UK's biggest selling newspaper"): "Britain is crawling with suspected terrorists and those who give them succour. The Government must act without delay, round up this enemy in our midst and lock them in internment camps. Our safety must not play second fiddle to their supposed 'rights.' "

My new home!

Not sure if this is still current, but apparently, Managua doesn't have street names or numbers! I guess I could be intimidated about finding my way around, but for someone as directionally challenged as I am, I find it charming and exciting!!! What a city I'm going to live in!

More facts, from Wikipedia:
Managua was damaged by earthquake and fire on March 31, 1931 and by fire again in 1936. On December 23, 1972, the city was very severely damaged in an earthquake that took more than 10,000 lives. In the aftermath, when international help came in to rebuild the town, the dictator Somoza and his troops allegedly took the donations and either hid them from the public or used the donations for themselves. As a result, the downtown area, devastated by the earthquake, was never rebuilt, and it remains half-empty even today.

I have heard this, that the city was never rebuilt. Managua seems prone to natural disasters. It was also ravaged by hurricane mitch in 1998. It would be interesting to write a book looking at several cities that are in various stages of being rebuilt after destruction, from natural disasters or political tumult, I suppose. (That would have been a great Watson! Damn! Although I guess it might be too relevant to the world.)

Managua is also the birthplace of Nicaraguan Sign Language. The Sandinistas gathered deaf children who never learned to speak, but who could communicate clumsily with parents and family members using gestures, and put them together in an effort to engender "socialistic" education. The children then proceeded to communicate among themselves, and, in doing so, invented one of the world's newest languages.

Wow!!!!!!! Those Sandinistas are crazy!!!
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Managua"

Also, this article is interesting because it succinctly explains the affect of international economic policies on Nicaragua (which I'm going to have to get really good at doing fast, and for someone as inarticulate as I am, that's a big challenge). Wow, this whole adventure is looming like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory! (I can't WAIT to see that film...)

The grand narrative...

Joy linked to this blog: The question of how to help certain African countries change their governments once again cuts to the core of the classic neoconservative and neoliberal debate. Do we do it through war (either covert or overt) or increased trade and integration? In the case of Africa, I think the answer is especially obvious.

See, that's exactly the question I come to, but then feel really uncomfortable with, which is probably why I was such a bad IR student. :) Yes, these countries are lacking in the democratic governance, to use a catchphrase, necessary to redistribute wealth, yes their governments may be based on the historical rule by the elite and oppression of the masses. But I still feel uncomfortable thinking about how western countries can "help African countries change their governments". Can you be both anti imperialist and practical? I mean, this is the issue that I was grappling with before...any form of "development" would ultimately entail Western countries not only helping, but generally mandating, how countries rule themselves, and it's hard to see the distinction between that and neo-colonialism. At the same time, am I really advocating not doing anything? Am I really just offering a slightly updated version of dependency theory? Hmmm.

After about three vodka tonics last evening, the words came to me to describe why the media coverage of the London events is disturbing. It's because over the past few years, the media has been constructing a grand narrative of the world. I think that recent events, such as not finding WMD's and the Downing Street Memo, have made us question this narrative, which states that "our" (read: white) countries are under attack by terrorists, who strike randomly and hatefully, and that we must always be vigilant, and that sometimes protecting ourselves means taking preemptive action, etc. Yes, terrorist attacks have been random and hateful in the sense that they're killing innocent people. But they have not happened in a vacuum, and have not been random in the sense that they've come out of nowhere. By construing these attacks as random, the media is contributing to this grand narrative which ultimately leaves us paralyzed by fear and supportive of any government decisions that will make us feel more secure. This is why other things don't get as much coverage: they don't contribute to this grand narrative, which although better packaged and less nuanced than reality, is ultimately more deadly. As my mom would say, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. (No, I am not trying to be Norman Solomon.)

Like Sonja, I was torn about this morning's announcement of the explosions in London. Obviously they are horrific and any pointless loss of human life is tragic, but the blatant outpouring of coverage for an incident like this, compared to the paucity of coverage of other events in non-white areas that are even more fatal and often ongoing, is jarring, to say the least. The danger of bringing that up is to sound as if you are minimalizing the incident and the deaths in London. I also understand that it's important to mention terrorist attacks in powerful countries because, as the US has demonstrated, when these countries feel they are attacked, they fight back, in ways that have repercussions for people across the globe. I also don't want the media to be in frenzy mode reporting every thing that happens anywhere; I want them to also share the stories of people that are fighting for their rights, and share the stories that you wouldn't know if they didn't think to bring them to you, interesting ones that remind you that we are part of a shared humanity, stuff like that. This is why I support independent media: complaining about media coverage of events is boring, ineffective, and frustrating, much like complaining of any kind. So if you want stories covered, you should work on supporting outlets that do cover them, if you can't write them yourself. For all of those reasons, I feel uneasy emphasizing the disparity in coverage between these bombings and other incidents around the globe. At the same time, though, it is a point that I still think should be brought up every time the media works itself into a frenzy over something.

I have also been similarly torn about Live 8, which in Canada received copious coverage over the weekend. As great as it is to see so many people supporting efforts to make the G8 countries accountable for policies affecting the 3rd world, especially Africa, I'm kind of skeptical about a) what the concerts will accomplish and even b) what they are attempting to accomplish. I just can't get behind the call for more aid to Africa. I am skeptical when I know that these development projects are in the hands of government entities whose policies haven't exactly contributed to longterm growth and sustaniability, either from the donating or receiving nations. I am skeptical that aid will affect the distribution of wealth in countries whose economic situation is based on years of unequal relationships and systems that are reinforced by an unequal international economic system. I am also suspicious that countries increasing the amount of aid they give will feel more comfortable turning around and enforcing policies that hurt these countries more than aid will ever help, such as structural adjustment policies and privatization, subsidies that make it impossible for exports to succeed in the world market, and corporate investment that exploits cheap labor and other resources without providing any longterm benefit to communities, to name a few.

Thus, instead of just continually increasing aid for bandaid solutions, maybe the G8 countries could invest in stopping these exploitative policies. Debt cancellation is a wonderful step; they can also try to exert pressure on private corporations (hahahahaha) to allow these countries to manufacture generic drugs and to enforce labor standards in factories. G8 countries can reduce barriers to trade in their own countries, such as agricultural subsidies, if they're so all about the free market. The list goes on.

Maybe there are ways to funnel aid that are strategic and sustainable, but I am hard pressed to come up with any that are not paternalistic and ultimately ineffective. Communities across the global South are cultivating "development" projects that are sustainable and accountable. There is hope, but I am not sure that it comes in the form of billions of dollars. (At the same time, though, of course there is a need to feed the hungry, etc.)

I'm still going to let my mind rest before I share details of the changes in my personal life...more to come...

Freakishness must run in the family...

From my sister's LiveJournal entry (she's 16 and studying abroad in South Africa):

At the good old Vaal High School right now, supposed to be in Afrikaans class now, but I cant speak the damn language and have no desire to, because I don't want to be a Boer.

Wow.

In other news, today I submitted my resignation and accepted a 2 year position in Central America. More on that when my mind will stop jumping up and down and running in circles in my head (question: is the mind in the head or just the brain? The mind is probably not confined to physical space, right?).

Happy Holidays!

A few thoughts:

CAFTA passed in the Senate. Although it still has to get by the house, I think the last-minute sugar compromise was largely responsible for it, which isn't too surprising. It's somehow really depressing, though, because I know so many people who have devoted the better part of the last few years working to defeat it.

Dust. Cleaning out my apartment last night to get ready for my new roommate's arrival, I was struck by the amount of particles of dust, dirt, and trash that living creates. We leave particles of our hair and our receipts and our coins and it just collects, and we vaccuum it up. It was especially striking to me since, being the one left behind, I am the one cleaning up what remains of two people's presence for an entire year. Wow, I'm glad I'm getting out of here, if only for a little while.

Well, I'm off for the weekend, hope everyone's is fantastic!!