On memory (and not grand narrative!) construction.

Ever since I learned in Psychology 101 that individual memories are 100% constructed by individuals after the fact, I have been obsessed with choosing how to construct experiences in my consciousness so that they will render certain memories later. (I realize that the line between this and being completely delusional is very fine. Don't worry, I enjoy walking it!) This usually takes the form of mental snapshots. When something happens that particularly encapsulates an era for me, I think to myself, "This is how I want to remember this time in my life." I realize that inevitably, it's not just those selected moments but rather an amalgamation of moments and feelings clouded by hindsight and, hopefully, progress. I can't, obviously, choose the memories that will define me, nor can I choose the experiences that follow that will ultimately influence how I perceive those memories and process the lessons from them to apply to my present reality. But hey, I can try.

Today while talking to my boss--my favorite one, a soft spoken, thoughtful, gentle man who I honestly feel will always remain the archetype of who I want to be on a personal level--I decided on a moment that I think defines my job and my emotional state at this period in my life. Discussing some of the proposals that we were considering, we wandered into a conversation about theories of change and how groups can effectively make an impact on the issues that they are addressing. It was a completely typical moment, but I reminded myself that this was what I wanted to remember--not just drunken dancing and Sundays wandering around Dupont Circle, feeling lonely and lost (although those are certainly going to factor in), but this. If nothing else, I have grown so much from being able to look at the world from this very priveleged position. I just hope that I will be able to use this privelege in positive and effective ways.