Friday, November 25, 2005

PS...

Your comments have not been lost on me, friends!

And don't think it hasn't been your writing that has inspired me to keep writing in this blog.

I love you all.

bkj

Yay TG!!!

Of course I didn't join the group of creepy expats celebrating the genocide of indigenous Americans by stuffing myself with turkey and shit, but rather, I spent it with people I have grown to love, and it was a noche de alegria. We smoked a fuckin hookah, which is random as all hell, but is fun. We talked about the origin of the roma (gypsies) and the US embassador in Nicaragua being a fuckwad. My boy told stories about Cuba, which he always does, and Leslie's boy talked about some abstract painters that he likes. I told Gustavo how we learn in school that TG is the celebration of the "Indians" sharing with the "Pilgrims", which he found to be outrageously funny. A los gringos les gusta pensar que todo que hacen es bueno, dijo; Gringos like to think that everything they do is good! We ate hummus and falafel, which I hadn't had for almost three months, watched some Nicaraguan belly dancers do their thing, and went to bed very, very happy.

Here's to creating new families!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

To those who say, change can only start at home...

Many people, such as many of my family members, criticize people like me, people with the privelege to travel around the world to see the damage that my country has done without my knowledge and permission, people who spend a few years observing and then go back to their comfortable lives. They say that there is poverty and injustice at home, and a true activist would challenge that, would not travel thousands of miles to teach other priveleged people about injustice that is seemingly disconnected from their everyday lives.

I do not reject such criticism.

But for me, it's all about building connections: the imperialism of the US (and transnational corporations, which may or may not be from the US) around the world is the same machine that affects US politics, that requires that (how many million now?) 40 or so million people are without health care, because, oh, well we need money for innovation. It's the same machine that tears families apart and destroys communities in order to imprison millions for using drugs that kills millions in this neck of the woods for cultivating said drugs; the same machine that pushes unattainable empty dreams on millions of people in order to sell products that goes to wherever they can pay workers fewer cents per hour to make the supposed gold that fuels massive blind consumption.

I guess I respond so fiercely because I have the same fears.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

and i still like coffee.

Nicaragua is on the brink of experiencing another coffee crisis. Another, you say? What was the first? Well, in 2001 prices for coffee plummeted, a result of World Bank sponsored programs in countries like Vietnam and Brazil that encouraged cheap growing and processing of corn for exportation. Corn? That's right, there's a certain kind of corn that when you roast it, it tastes an awful lot like coffee. Anyway, the WB decided that this crop might be their comparative advantage: they can grow a lot of it cheaply, and these countries can export it cheaply to companies like Kraft and Proctor and Gamble (Maxwell House, etc.). Well, the problem with that, is that these same institutions had told other countries, such as Nicaragua, that coffee was their comparative advantage, and up in coffee country, farms that had once produced basic grains such as beans and rice had changed into coffee growing countries to compete on the world market. Problem is, this high quality coffee is much more expensive than toasted corn, and once those products from Vietnam and Brazil started flooding the market, it drove down the price of coffee. Coffee farmers started going out of business and many moved to Managua; it created famine in the region and thousands of people starved to death. Since then, the price has gone up a little bit and small coffee farmers have started to grow crops for self consumption again. Coffee country is still situated in extreme poverty, but the situation has stabilized again.

Well, coffee prices are actually extremely high, and now it's the opposite problem: there aren't enough hands to work on big coffee plantations! Why? Well, the average monthly salary of a rural worker in Nicaragua is $46 a month, compared to $181 a month in Guatemala, $202 in Costa Rica, and $302 in Panama. Wages are extremely low, but worse than that, Nicaragua doesn't have the infrastructure to provide a standard of living for farmers (health centers, schools, transportation, etc.) to compete with neighboring countries, so massive migration has become a huge problem. The crisis? Either coffee producers raise salaries again (which they should do), or they will lose most of their now money-making crop.

The problem is thus structural: the reliance on one crop for exportation, rather than the development of infrastructure. These priorities are reinforced by IMF loans, which encourages production for exportation and which places caps on social spending. The US holds veto power in both of these institutions for the sheer amount of money it contributes. So all of those starving farmers were indirectly the result of policies made by US institutions, although the World Bank isn't of course the only culpirit.

I just got back from coffee growing country, which is why I'm so pepped up about this. We were visiting a community that is self-sufficient, but just lost a huge beans harvest. Every house we visited, though, they told us with elation that coffee farmers in Nicaragua were finally going to get paid more so they don't migrate, they'd actually be able to make a decent living off of what they grow. A nearby sweatshop recently fired all of its workers from that area for reasons we are still trying to figure out, and now all of those people that were unemployed without hope of employment have a chance of survival through February, when coffee growing season is done. Of course, who knows what will happen to all of those workers then, and next year if the prices fall again, but they are doing well now.

The word "food security" gets thrown about by development experts all the time. Well, I can tell you that this is not food security: if the price of a crop on the international market determines the livelihood of thousands of people, that is not food security. And with the implementation of CAFTA, other farmers are going to be out of luck as cheap US imports begin flooding, flooding.

There are so many layers to truth. There's the gut reaction, the visceral; the feeling I get when I visit these communities that are our friends and companeros and I hear their stories and I think it's so selfish to think I have anything to do with them or that by listening to them, I'll ever know what they are experiencing. There's the intellectual, when I think about these forces pulling them around and I remember all of that rhetoric from IR classes: greater GDP, greater development. More money in the country means more money for the people. There's this constant argumentation that happens in my head, trying to swim through what I've heard and what I'm seeing and what it means for me, a US citizen, an activist, a writer. How do I make sense of it all and then once I have, what do I do with it all? And see, this is the selfishness again. It comes back to me and my own feeling of overwhelming responsibility, not individual responsibility, but collective responsibility, for the ignorance of my country, for the damaging, hurtful ignorance that allows millions of people to get invaded by military invasions or killed slowly by starvation and poverty.

But sometimes this cycle doesn't happen, and I take all of that in, like the past few days. I listened and listened and filled myself with information, and I didn't reject it. It used to be incredibly painful to hear these stories, because the weight of it all was crushing, but these days, I have learned to not let my ego get in the way of this truth.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Well, maybe I should write in my blog.

I set aside this evening to write, and I thought that maybe it would be nice, since I just spent 20 minutes catching myself up on my friends' blogs, to write in this blog.

I considered recapping the past two months, but I wouldn't be able to do it justice, so I'm going to start right now. Not making any promises though, because who knows when I will have time again.

Today was yet another day of hard conversations. We are trying to figure out our presence here in Nicaragua, as white Americans trying to educate other Americans about economic (and political) policies of the US and how they are devastating countries like this one. Sometimes I think our work is so irrevelant that it doesn't justify our presence, but there are moments of inspiration. There are people that come and are changed, but it's what happens afterwards that matters. It seems so indulgent to be here, telling everyone how we are investing in people, so that they can be inspired to make changes, if that's not happening. But that's another conversation, one I can't write about in my blog.

I am always not sure where my center is, and I would like to feel that I have it for a little while one day, so I can sit on it and enjoy sitting. Haha. Anyway, what I mean is that I always feel somewhat like an outsider, and always somewhat not right where I am. Is it always going to be like that? Do I sound like such a little kid?

After said difficult conversations, we started working again, which for me means getting ready for the next group of aforementioned gringos to come down. I am getting excited, and ready to be rejuvenated by the process that they go through, by the learning and the pain and the putting it all together. I'm starting to learn more about how to help them through that process, and the more independent I get, the better I feel.

And the boy. He is starting to ground me, and that is invaluable. He asks me difficult questions, but he is comforting. He dances salsa with me even though I'm not very good, and he made sure that I met his mom on our third date so I can see where he came from. He is gentle but he talks confidently. He has long eyelashes. He's over thirty and a lawyer, why do I always play like that? Anyway, we have already had one screaming match, which isn't good, and I think it will be difficult to extricate myself already if he were to be like the last million people that I've fallen for who have up and decided that I'm no good, at least for them. We'll see. Just hearing his voice flooded me with a pretty silly sense of calm, and I can at least hang on to that feeling, if not him right?

Anyway, we'll see how keeping up the blog again goes.