Well, maybe I should write in my blog.
I set aside this evening to write, and I thought that maybe it would be nice, since I just spent 20 minutes catching myself up on my friends' blogs, to write in this blog.
I considered recapping the past two months, but I wouldn't be able to do it justice, so I'm going to start right now. Not making any promises though, because who knows when I will have time again.
Today was yet another day of hard conversations. We are trying to figure out our presence here in Nicaragua, as white Americans trying to educate other Americans about economic (and political) policies of the US and how they are devastating countries like this one. Sometimes I think our work is so irrevelant that it doesn't justify our presence, but there are moments of inspiration. There are people that come and are changed, but it's what happens afterwards that matters. It seems so indulgent to be here, telling everyone how we are investing in people, so that they can be inspired to make changes, if that's not happening. But that's another conversation, one I can't write about in my blog.
I am always not sure where my center is, and I would like to feel that I have it for a little while one day, so I can sit on it and enjoy sitting. Haha. Anyway, what I mean is that I always feel somewhat like an outsider, and always somewhat not right where I am. Is it always going to be like that? Do I sound like such a little kid?
After said difficult conversations, we started working again, which for me means getting ready for the next group of aforementioned gringos to come down. I am getting excited, and ready to be rejuvenated by the process that they go through, by the learning and the pain and the putting it all together. I'm starting to learn more about how to help them through that process, and the more independent I get, the better I feel.
And the boy. He is starting to ground me, and that is invaluable. He asks me difficult questions, but he is comforting. He dances salsa with me even though I'm not very good, and he made sure that I met his mom on our third date so I can see where he came from. He is gentle but he talks confidently. He has long eyelashes. He's over thirty and a lawyer, why do I always play like that? Anyway, we have already had one screaming match, which isn't good, and I think it will be difficult to extricate myself already if he were to be like the last million people that I've fallen for who have up and decided that I'm no good, at least for them. We'll see. Just hearing his voice flooded me with a pretty silly sense of calm, and I can at least hang on to that feeling, if not him right?
Anyway, we'll see how keeping up the blog again goes.
I considered recapping the past two months, but I wouldn't be able to do it justice, so I'm going to start right now. Not making any promises though, because who knows when I will have time again.
Today was yet another day of hard conversations. We are trying to figure out our presence here in Nicaragua, as white Americans trying to educate other Americans about economic (and political) policies of the US and how they are devastating countries like this one. Sometimes I think our work is so irrevelant that it doesn't justify our presence, but there are moments of inspiration. There are people that come and are changed, but it's what happens afterwards that matters. It seems so indulgent to be here, telling everyone how we are investing in people, so that they can be inspired to make changes, if that's not happening. But that's another conversation, one I can't write about in my blog.
I am always not sure where my center is, and I would like to feel that I have it for a little while one day, so I can sit on it and enjoy sitting. Haha. Anyway, what I mean is that I always feel somewhat like an outsider, and always somewhat not right where I am. Is it always going to be like that? Do I sound like such a little kid?
After said difficult conversations, we started working again, which for me means getting ready for the next group of aforementioned gringos to come down. I am getting excited, and ready to be rejuvenated by the process that they go through, by the learning and the pain and the putting it all together. I'm starting to learn more about how to help them through that process, and the more independent I get, the better I feel.
And the boy. He is starting to ground me, and that is invaluable. He asks me difficult questions, but he is comforting. He dances salsa with me even though I'm not very good, and he made sure that I met his mom on our third date so I can see where he came from. He is gentle but he talks confidently. He has long eyelashes. He's over thirty and a lawyer, why do I always play like that? Anyway, we have already had one screaming match, which isn't good, and I think it will be difficult to extricate myself already if he were to be like the last million people that I've fallen for who have up and decided that I'm no good, at least for them. We'll see. Just hearing his voice flooded me with a pretty silly sense of calm, and I can at least hang on to that feeling, if not him right?
Anyway, we'll see how keeping up the blog again goes.
posted by Brynne at 10:34 PM
2 Comments:
well it's about time friend! i very much cannot wait to hear more! your thinking always gets me thinking...
You're blogging again! I can't tell you how many times I've checked it only to find it unchanged (embarrasingly many).
I'm glad to hear that, for the most part, it sounds like you're doing well... and I know that a blog can't really encapusulate how you're doing, everything you're feeling and experiencing. And the boy, well... meeting his mother is an impressive step for sure... I really do hope everything continues in a positive direction.
I love you and miss you and hope to see you soon, if possible.
-jac
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