The "I have left DC post"

WEll, I haven't had internet access for a few days, and since I've been in Maine, I've been in perhaps the most beautiful place on Earth, so you can't blame me for forgoing sunning myself on a beautiful lake and listening to the echoing of crickets and the cooing of loons to write a blog entry. My mom and I just made (veggie) burgers and drank beers, and then ate smores for dessert, cooked by the bonfire. I swam all day, and feel refreshed in the way that only the familiarity of home and the wholeness of being level with trees, water, bugs, and animals and bring you.

So, I have left DC.

I vomited all morning the morning I left, which I felt was fitting. Not because DC made me sick or anything lame like that. Rather, it was a form of cleansing, a letting go of all that was making me feel unwell. I have been carrying around anxiety, not just about this upcoming move, but also because of what it felt that it signified for me. I haven't been unhappy. I also haven't been happy. I'm not sure there is a specific something that will make me happy, but starting over and doing something that challenges me and excites me is a start. This isn't to say that I couldn't have found what I was looking for in DC, but I also don't want to blame myself for not having found it yet. To be honest, I wanted something new. When I threw up that morning, I was letting all of the pain and the anxiety and the disappointments of the year well up inside of me until they made me sick, and then I just let them go.

My last two weeks or so in DC were wonderful, however. I remembered what true friendship means in the form of the people that made an effort to be with me and to wish me well. I remembered that I want to get better at telling people what they mean to me the same way, and that I need to show people how much I care about them. I also remembered how easily deceived I am by people that I would like to care about me.

So that's it. I would like to have reflections about life in DC, and I will soon. I will also probably be talking about how scared I am about the upcoming transition. It will all come soon, my friends. Until then, more swimming on the lake!!