One year in DC.
Before I start my introspective drivel, I'd like to say, what the fuck is up with all of the arrests on Columbia Road? I've seen an extraordinary amount of people getting arrested there as of late. I've heard there have been some immigration related arrests, is that what they are? The snooping begins...
Well, I said goodbye to my roommate this morning, the second one to depart in the past few months. I am dizzy with loneliness already at the prospect of facing life in the District without her, and with the recent news that I may be departing for Central America for two years at the end of the summer, I've found myself caught in a strange, confusing limbo. If I get the program, I think I will take it, but two years seems like forever, and are there other things I'd rather be doing? Is life too short to do it or too short not to? Have I done what I wanted to in this city, or have I just begun?
This first year post-college has been overwhelming. I have obtained a wonderful job with a lot of responsibility and power in the field(s) that I thought I wanted to work in, have decided to pursue journalism to some degree and have had a few articles published, have volunteered to help workers know their rights, have made some friends, but not as many as I'd like, have had some lovers but no lasting connections, and have taken classes in dance, glass making, and writing. Yet with all of these things, of which I am somewhat proud but still regretful, I still feel like so much is missing. Could it be that this "young professional" life is not for me, or have I not found the right community? How does one find or make the community that most reflects who one is and who one wants to be? How do you go about your life feeling that you are doing enough and that there aren't a million better things to be doing waiting beyond some invisible curtain? Do the people that I consider accomplished feel complete, or is that incompleteness that keeps them going?
I guess what I'm getting at is that I haven't exactly been unhappy, but I have felt extremely unsettled. It's helpful that most everyone around me has felt the same way this whole year, and probably will for an indefinite amount of time.
Last night, as my roomie and I said goodnight to each other for the last time probably in our lives, a really cheesy image montage swept through my mind of all of these "getting used to living together in the nation's capital as recent college graduates full of big dreams" memories: having "house" meetings, going to roof parties, talking about our jobs, our many disappointments with romances, our many disappointments with frienships, our trips to try out clubs and bars, our dinner parties, etc.. I could go on, but it's not interesting. How will I look back on this year when I'm old and all of the things that are about to happen have happened? What does that matter, since I don't know it now?
I guess what's been bothering me is the feeling of being stagnant and transient at the same time. I've been having a good time, but it's hard to differentiate my feelings about this stage in life with what I'm doing and where I am, and hard to know how much it's appropriate to try.
Yuck.
Well, I said goodbye to my roommate this morning, the second one to depart in the past few months. I am dizzy with loneliness already at the prospect of facing life in the District without her, and with the recent news that I may be departing for Central America for two years at the end of the summer, I've found myself caught in a strange, confusing limbo. If I get the program, I think I will take it, but two years seems like forever, and are there other things I'd rather be doing? Is life too short to do it or too short not to? Have I done what I wanted to in this city, or have I just begun?
This first year post-college has been overwhelming. I have obtained a wonderful job with a lot of responsibility and power in the field(s) that I thought I wanted to work in, have decided to pursue journalism to some degree and have had a few articles published, have volunteered to help workers know their rights, have made some friends, but not as many as I'd like, have had some lovers but no lasting connections, and have taken classes in dance, glass making, and writing. Yet with all of these things, of which I am somewhat proud but still regretful, I still feel like so much is missing. Could it be that this "young professional" life is not for me, or have I not found the right community? How does one find or make the community that most reflects who one is and who one wants to be? How do you go about your life feeling that you are doing enough and that there aren't a million better things to be doing waiting beyond some invisible curtain? Do the people that I consider accomplished feel complete, or is that incompleteness that keeps them going?
I guess what I'm getting at is that I haven't exactly been unhappy, but I have felt extremely unsettled. It's helpful that most everyone around me has felt the same way this whole year, and probably will for an indefinite amount of time.
Last night, as my roomie and I said goodnight to each other for the last time probably in our lives, a really cheesy image montage swept through my mind of all of these "getting used to living together in the nation's capital as recent college graduates full of big dreams" memories: having "house" meetings, going to roof parties, talking about our jobs, our many disappointments with romances, our many disappointments with frienships, our trips to try out clubs and bars, our dinner parties, etc.. I could go on, but it's not interesting. How will I look back on this year when I'm old and all of the things that are about to happen have happened? What does that matter, since I don't know it now?
I guess what's been bothering me is the feeling of being stagnant and transient at the same time. I've been having a good time, but it's hard to differentiate my feelings about this stage in life with what I'm doing and where I am, and hard to know how much it's appropriate to try.
Yuck.
posted by Brynne at 7:05 PM
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