DC can change moods quickly.
Walking around in a funk last night stuck in my "what is going on with my life" quandary, I realized that walking around can actually remind me of things in the world outside of my head. I saw a dog in his "last throes", as Cheney would say, and was brought to tears; I passed a young punk couple cuddling on the benches in Dupont, and then a boy with whom I had a three second romance of smiles and nods; I passed that brass band that always plays in the Circle on summer nights and, impressed by the crowd that gathered in their business suits and summer "biz cash" sandals, I felt somehow exuberantly uplifted; I got on the bus and was surrounded by zombies listening to IPods and staring into space and felt numb and isolated, like I was in the middle of that Tom Cruise futuristic sci-fi movie I never saw. Went home and talked to my mom for hours, who was not as helpful as I'd like (no one can tell me what I want), entertained a late night visitor who was kind of in his last throes, only of despair and not passion as I'd wish. It's so strange when sex is just two lonely people holding on to something rather than nothing, and not about connection. That's all it seems to be for me these days.